Just short note, I have no strength to write more

I am very busy those days with preparations to a moot court I will have this Saturday. I was so frustraited with myself that I did not sleep all night and as a result I am sleepy now and do not want to do anything else, but lie my head on the pillow and fall into DEEP sleep.

Here is new site I just find Shark. It is dedicated to law school. oh.. soon I will be sick just from a word "law school," but no explanation to this comment will be given now. Later on. Cheers.

Dear attorneys, did you forget your times of job searching?

Note I wrote next day:
I was tired and made, sleepy and upset, therefore this post has many mistakes. however, I am not going to edit them. What for? Why not to see my insanity? :-)
-------------------------------------

So I just have come back from Skills Program meeting in one of the law firms in the city. I like such type of meetings. This one was particularly directed on diverse participants. I like such events but sometimes they bring me upset thoughts. Today it was that case when I left the office being frustraited. I will not mention the point that I came to go through a mock job interview and hoped it will prepare me for interviews I will hopefully have for my clerkship program. However, they gave me the guy who worked in the company for a week and who by himself just recent graduate. Then there was a board of practicing attorneys who talked about the career and how great legal career is. First, I am kind of tired of those long-minutes speeches about how-we-became-great-lawyers. Surely all lawyers like to talk about themselves, and it was interesting for me to know how they got their success. Though I do not long speeches, and today some of them were long. Then there was a question to them about the grades, something like, "obviously 90% of the class are not at the top of the class, so how to find a job for those not 10%." At this point I have heard a lot of fairy tales. One of female attorneys told that she participated in hiring and stressed out that she rarely looked into the grades. What??? I asked myself and virtually her. Then tell me why do I saw that upset face of my career adviser after I told him my GPA? Something like "well, girl, and you want to find some job? go better and study!" Or those articles telling about hard time to find job with low GPA and how picky those large law firms about hiring. Just yesterday on career web site I saw the ad of Excel Energy who were looking for intern from 10% top class.

Another guy from the board talked about the importance of reputation but not a career.

Now it is time for my speech. Dear, attorneys, did you forget the times when you were looking for jobs and you were asked for your GPA? The lady from the board while talking about her grraduation and looking for job proudly announced that she was not in the top of the class but very close. So if the grades are not so important, why do you mention them so proudly? Why do you ask me to send you a transcript together with my resume?

I do not want to seem paranoid, but I do not like to be misled! But this is what happened to me at that meeting. I agree, the grades will not matter in the court room or five years past gradution, but the question is how to get into the law firm after graduation. Despite the clear question from somebody's email and expectations of participants to hear the reality, we did not receive the right, real answer. I am disappointed.

Second week of second semester

So this is Wednesday, second week of my new semester. From anger and frustration after I saw my grades, I switched to the position of self-denial and criticism. I know that there is nobody to blame for my falling down but myself, because I did not put enough effort into studying. I have noticed that last weekend. I had three days off and I did almost nothing for school. BTW, those days were possibly the best days of the year. I relaxed, I did not have bad thoughts about the grades, I knew what I have and that I could not change them. I cooked, walked, went to gym. Finally I have sent my paperwork for citizenship. Hopefully, in a year I will carry that blue passport with eagle on it. :-) And no need for visas anymore. What a dream.

School goes ok. But I do not want to write much about it, because it is almost 10 and I want to sleep. I have another two days to survive and tomorrow I have a bunch of appointments.

I feel sorry I write only about law school. I think I need to mix in somethings. But what ? :)

My disapointments, I am afraid not last ones

If a law school makes somebody think "like a lawyer," it is not my case. The law school makes me think "like a loser." I guess the reader guessed that I have recieved my first semester grades, and, yes, they suck. My feelings went through gradual development:

1. suprise and astoonishment when I have received my first grade on Contracts, and even more suprise and astonishment after I have received my Property and Civ Pro.

2. next I was crying. I am a woman and I am emotional person, how else will I get rid of my emotions. I cried like a crazy, but good for not so long.

3. Next round was continued with the feeling of stupidity, "What!? I am so bad? I cannot believe I am so stupid!!!"

4. The next round was worse - from love to hateress (love was at the beginning of the semester). I hated a law school, myself and professors. I had to go to buy the books for the next semester and could not even sit in the car thinking how disgusted I am even to see the school.

5. The fifth round was mixed with fourth. The rage was added. I was soooo mad I did badly on the exams. I was sooo mad my professors gave me the questions I did not know how to answer. I was ashamed of my rage and nothing I could do.

Finally, the round of bad grades was over after I have got assurance from professors and a register that I am not on probation.

The hatrad to the law school and professors almost has gone. The professors are innocent, aren't they? I looked into the exams and I was 100% at fault to miss that painful issue of Post Consideration. I mean I did well at multiple, but I failed on essay. I cannot believe I missed that easy points!!! But all this behind. Though, I left with a bad GPA of 2.6. What a disaster.

Watching students receiving their grades were miserable view - anger, happiness, smiles and disapointments. "I was ready to kill that girl who complained she did not get A, but A-." Those phrases I heard a couple of times. Honestly, I was thinking that way too, just I did not uttered it.

One of the disappointments for me was Property. My professor told me I have analytical skills but I do not know how to put that on paper. What a bummer! He said,"the lawyer has to know how to write." Yeah, I know, I tell this myself everyday while thinking on whether I has to use article "a" or "the." I guess I am not as smart to know how to write as a lawyer! F*** This is what I was afraid of. Damn it, I will not quite anyway, although ConLaw and Criminal Law seemed to be even worse from what I had last semester. Now I will have to afraid of probation for sure.

Briefly about my plans for the next couple months:
1) I work on internships. Although my grades are really bad, I hope to get something
2) I will participate in a moot court competition. I am realy excited about it
3) I will work on changing studying schedule. i was lazy last semester and my grades perfectly reflected this. Therefore, let's go into the heart of the battle - the living in the law school.

Also, I miss my parents, I want to go home at least for a month. I always feel that way when I have a hard time in my life.

My site meter

I thought nobody ever looked at my web site before, but what a surprise was to see that some google links brought viewers to my blog :-) However, a sad news is the inquiries that brought them to me:

"students uncondidence for asking"
"tired of (from) studying"
"I cannot believe I did this to myself"

I do not know if I should laugh or cry, but those inquiries seem to my depressing. well, at list "the law student and Valentine's day" brings some cheerfulness into the life of my blog :-)

hmmmm

Ok, a couple hours passed since I saw my Contracts grade, and I TELL you - I am MAD. I am mad on myself, and at the same time I am bevildered. I cannot believe I did so bad. I tried so hard, I was so sure that I did well. Now, after reading online articles about grades, I see my situation even worse, because only 25 % of students get grade below B-. and 50-75% of the students get B, B+, B-. How would you feel to know that I am the one who is on the end of this list? This is just awful. Of course, I am not going to bit myself for this, but now I am impatient to know what I did wrong. Whether it was my multiple choice or my writing?? Damn, I was so sure I did super well. Now I am afraid of other grades. I tried calculator, and there is no way I will make it higher than 3.0. I feel like a looser. I have to work how to lose this feeling because it will make worse my next semester. F***!

Relief??

So if I go for search a google and typed "law school grades", it means I stressed out about it? I think so. I have found nice post, not recent though.

More on Bad Law School Grades
I don't have much more to say about getting off to a bumpy start in law school, gradewise. But good heavens, lots of people are doing Google searches or writing me about it. My heart goes out to all of those of you who were disappointed, heartbroken, shaken by your grades, who are now doubting yourself and looking to Google to make sense of it all.

Look, guys, I got a C- and a C+ my first semester of law school. (And two A-s and a B+, to be complete). I was 22nd in the class after that. The next semester I got two As, a couple of A-s, and another B+, and I was 4th in the class. I just kept moving up, and I graduated first. So it's not hopeless. You're not destined to have dismal grades for the rest of your law school career. They needn't hold you back.

Stop gnashing your teeth about what these grades MEAN about who you are and what you're capable of and what the Rest of Your Life is limited to. You are just as smart as you were the day before you got your grades. And now you know something you didn't know before: what to expect from law school exams. March your butt into your professors' offices and sit down with the exam and talk to them about it. We all know you studied your head off, but did you articulate what you knew, or did you study the wrong stuff, or did you have trouble identifying the issues, or were you a disorganized mess, or did you confuse the terminology, or what? Whichever one(s) it was, you're going to fix it next semester. The professor will help you, if you ask. And now you know to ask.

I hope she is right, but then will I be able to make it next semester????!!!!

Time to cry???

Ok, I have recieved my first grade. No shame to tell you that I missed a point to get B-, as a result I have C+. I am not disappointed, I am surprised. After Contracts exam (this is where I have recieved this grade) I felt I did well. Now I see again that my fear is fullfiled. Each time I feel good after exam or any other event that can change something in my life, that exam or event goes badly. Isn't it weird? But when I feel bad, the event goes quite well. So I hope I will not get C on my Property exam.

My days

Less than a week left before the beginning of the semester. I have a work to do, like personal statement, resume and cover letters for internship. But I did not do anything. Like, for example, today I have spent whole day surfing Internet and doing videos from Florida. I am going to send a parcel to my mom, and as a rule I send DVD with other stuff. Now there are some things to send to her, so I need to hurry up to finish DVD. BTW, my stories came up quite interesting. I hope my parents will like them too.

Lawyers and Joes

happy New Year to everybody. I hope this year will be not worse than a past year. I have read my horoscop and ... yesss ... it said a lot of good things about my future. I am really happy.

Right now we are in Florida. Of course, word Florida rises in imaginations palms and unvelievably warm weather. To our greatest disappointement only first part is true about our trip, but weahter turned its back on us, and we disparately suffer cold wind, temperature of mid 40s and lack of sun. We came to Florida with shorts and t-shirts and will leave with hats and gloves we bought in the local Walmart to save ourselves from awful cold weather.

But my story is not about bad weather. It is the storytelling about what happened to use today. This is the story:

Once upon a time... No, it is not mine. Let me try again. So today we went to Orlando downtown to look around, find more cultural entertainment beyond boring and crowded DisneyWorld. After we hit the narrow streets of Orlando we found one parking spot near a meter. Dane turned into it began to back up. Going back in the timeline of my story I have to tell you that we rented Toyota Prius. I am not much in love with this car, I think it needs some work on it, but we found very funny feature - camera on the back of a car that turns on when the car is in reverse mode. As a result of camera use fun Dane used the camera quite often, same in Orlando when he backed up into the parking spot. While he was doing this he commented that the car behind us is surely lawyer's car. I looked carefully into the screen and noticed BMW emblem on the car's front. When Dane backed up too close to BMW behind we suddenly heard screams, "What are you doing? Don't you see where you go?" Those shouts were of the owner of fancy BMW. We stopped, but he continued screaming. Dane got out of the car and began pointing into the camera, and laughing explained that there is a camera and we know how close we back up. The guy (average looking in white shirt and black pants with a bunch of papers underarm) seemed to get queiter with his screams mumbling something like, "Anyway I would not trust this cameras." His next phrase made me laugh. What do you think he told? I will not guess. He said, "you could damage my car. By the way I am a lawyer!" He told this in such a way as if he said, "I a killer" or "I am a President of the United States" No, no... as if he said, "I am God!" First it seemed to me funny because Dane was 100% right that the guy is a lawyer. But then after we left shaking his hand and asking about interesting places in Orlando, I thought through this story. That Orlando attorney afterwards seemed to me arrogant bustard who thinks that if he has a law degree and drives BMW he may threat me with his knowledge and ability to sue me for any reason or fault he may find. Now I understand why so many people hate lawyers, those arrogant asses who thinks they are gods. Indeed, after first semester in the law school I had a power of the knowledge, the ability to protect myself and others by legal ways. However, after today I feel kind of ashamed for having such feeling, because I should not have use my knowledge to be in superiority over other Joes who does not know the law as good as even a law student. Yes, I do not want to work for public law (although I hope I will keep my promise to myself to take some pro bono cases) and I am thinking more about making money. However, it does not allow me to turn into the monster who does not care about others and who knows only own business and not others.

Despite my love to the law, and happiness of knowledge of many things more than others, I hope most of law students will not turn into this guy on Orlando streets who thinks it is normal to threaten ordinary people with "I am a lawyer" thing. Beware arrogant asses, soon I will be equal to you and I am not going to back up in my defense by silence, I will tell you, "I am not care who you are and what school you graduated from, you are the same live person as I am, so behave as a human."

I took a picture of BMW and our rented Prius just to keep the story in mind.