My disapointments, I am afraid not last ones

If a law school makes somebody think "like a lawyer," it is not my case. The law school makes me think "like a loser." I guess the reader guessed that I have recieved my first semester grades, and, yes, they suck. My feelings went through gradual development:

1. suprise and astoonishment when I have received my first grade on Contracts, and even more suprise and astonishment after I have received my Property and Civ Pro.

2. next I was crying. I am a woman and I am emotional person, how else will I get rid of my emotions. I cried like a crazy, but good for not so long.

3. Next round was continued with the feeling of stupidity, "What!? I am so bad? I cannot believe I am so stupid!!!"

4. The next round was worse - from love to hateress (love was at the beginning of the semester). I hated a law school, myself and professors. I had to go to buy the books for the next semester and could not even sit in the car thinking how disgusted I am even to see the school.

5. The fifth round was mixed with fourth. The rage was added. I was soooo mad I did badly on the exams. I was sooo mad my professors gave me the questions I did not know how to answer. I was ashamed of my rage and nothing I could do.

Finally, the round of bad grades was over after I have got assurance from professors and a register that I am not on probation.

The hatrad to the law school and professors almost has gone. The professors are innocent, aren't they? I looked into the exams and I was 100% at fault to miss that painful issue of Post Consideration. I mean I did well at multiple, but I failed on essay. I cannot believe I missed that easy points!!! But all this behind. Though, I left with a bad GPA of 2.6. What a disaster.

Watching students receiving their grades were miserable view - anger, happiness, smiles and disapointments. "I was ready to kill that girl who complained she did not get A, but A-." Those phrases I heard a couple of times. Honestly, I was thinking that way too, just I did not uttered it.

One of the disappointments for me was Property. My professor told me I have analytical skills but I do not know how to put that on paper. What a bummer! He said,"the lawyer has to know how to write." Yeah, I know, I tell this myself everyday while thinking on whether I has to use article "a" or "the." I guess I am not as smart to know how to write as a lawyer! F*** This is what I was afraid of. Damn it, I will not quite anyway, although ConLaw and Criminal Law seemed to be even worse from what I had last semester. Now I will have to afraid of probation for sure.

Briefly about my plans for the next couple months:
1) I work on internships. Although my grades are really bad, I hope to get something
2) I will participate in a moot court competition. I am realy excited about it
3) I will work on changing studying schedule. i was lazy last semester and my grades perfectly reflected this. Therefore, let's go into the heart of the battle - the living in the law school.

Also, I miss my parents, I want to go home at least for a month. I always feel that way when I have a hard time in my life.