Crazy days

I think I am crazy lately. My competitive spirit drives me nuts, turning me into girl without any self-confidence. I am tired of myself and my own thoughts about failing and that I won't be good enough. I am just lazy. I know this perfectly. You don't have to tell me that. I spend days in lesure, trying to make of myself the girl who is very smart from her birth, but it is not so. It is not truth that you can be just smart, you have to, you must work to get something, to earn something. And I don't do that. I work hard for 3 days and then I just don't care of it. How am I going to get something if I just put my ass on a chair without any wish to do my homework. I hate myself. I hate my weakness, I hate my unconfidence, I hate my laziness.

I know it is wrong to hate, I try to be kind, but it doesn't help. I must take a stick and bit myself with it very hard, then maybe my mind will awake and will do something, will work.

You are stupid and lazy Genious.

G.