so much of my Sunday

Researching "Depositions in foreign countries" is what I am doing during this Sunday evening. Every weekend I try to work--research or writing--and rarely successful since by laziness overcomes me and I end up with a few hours of late evening work after many hours of procrastination in front of TV or just doing nothing. Crap.

Update re: my life

So apparently I did not provide an update of recent changes in my life. I found job... Now I work as a tax attorney in a small law firm. I love my work. Basically, I do the same stuff that I did at the clinic of my LLM program except that things we do at my work are little bit more complicated and clients pay us to do our work (which is, unfortunately, they usually do not do that on time). I think this is the biggest update in my life for the recent months. Telling the truth, I still cannot believe that my dreams came true. Thank you, God!

Hey

I have not been here for a while, right.  Actually as always. 

Update is such: three weeks of school left, got part-time job (legal research) but hope that I will be able to find something in tax controversy.  Love tax, and this is the fact.

Summer is passing quickly and I do not feel it is the summer except for the weekends when I sweat at home (from both weather and intensity of studying).

I put sport kind of behind because of time and possibly laziness.  Still do some runs for 30-35 minutes but regretfully no swimming.

That's it.

Saturday's run

I had my morning run today. It was awesome: rising sun, morning light, empty streets and roads, and a disco music in my headphones.

I think I did not tell before that I used to run for about 8 years almost every morning until I got to a law school and started stressing out and complaining about lack of time.  I quited running but then decided to return and at the first day of my "coming back" I injured my knee.

For more than a year, I envied every runner I saw on a trail or side of a road.  I tried to get back a couple of times, but a sever pain in my knee was stronger than me.  But then overcoming my fear of knee pain, I went to a physical therapist and with help of several exercises and hours of training I returned back to my 35-minutes runs. Unfortunately, one day I tried to run during strong winds and a knee pain returned bringing back my fear of pain and uncertainty that I can run again. 

In last month I have realized that physical exercises mean a lot to me: they bring energy to my body and happiness to my life.  So I have decided that I need get back to my running routine because I feel it is important to me to be able to do it without fear of failure.  

Now I can run only 13 minutes on a trail and about 15 minutes on a tread mill in a gym.  Luckily, I do not have a knee pain, yet <knock on wood>.  But I hope to increase my time to at least 35 minutes. Who knows, maybe one day I will decide to run a marathon :-)))

Inspiration --> motivation --> I am here

I have got an inspiration to start blogging again. Since my life is mostly spent with books and in communication with people who do not care much about events in my life, I have decided to annoy my blog abandoned for so long time with my silly thoughts.

Since a school is a center of my life, I will begin with it. Last quarter ended with good grades (my points received were not excellent, but high enough to get As). This quarter I am taking Estate and Gift tax, International Taxation and Corporate Tax I. International Taxation is most complicated and boring (BTW, this is what I am avoiding to do at this moment but creating this blog entry). I also continue working in a clinic, a time-consuming but interesting stuff.

Beyond-the-school life is boring - TV, shopping, cooking and rare meetings with friends (and by "rare" I mean I did not see them for more than a month). Physical exercises are on my to-do-list but by the end of the day they end up on my things-not-done list. This continues from the beginning of the quarter. It is a pity, because my body looks terrible - fat and ... no, I am not going to talk about gross things.

Now, update is done and I have no excuses for not studying.

By the way, the reason I decided to write is that a February bar exam is approaching, and I see many people with BarBri books in the library and in the school's halls. So what I wanted to say is that I am SO HAPPY that I have passed the bar exam and I am SO GLAD, that rather than studying Con Law or Criminal law or whatever, I need to do my homework for International Taxation. Thank you, God!!!

Brief Update: the life is going on

So among several goals I have recently created for myself, I have included "writing posts to Blogger more often."  Since there were periods when I wished to post about current events and some thoughts but at the same time I felt it is not appropriate to do that without at least some mentioning what is going on in my life, I posted nothing.  In fact, I was waiting for the time and day when I briefly describe at what stage of my life I am now but, unfortunately, I have been postponing that day finding an excuse in "my busy life," which is, actually, was not that busy, to spare a couple of minutes to write what I am writing now.

Taking my story back to summer of 2010, I will repeat that June and July were HELL because of preparation for the Bar Exam and the exam itself.  August, however, was more relaxing.  Unfortunately, we did not travel as much as we did last year.  But Utah's national park and local lake were great.  The weekdays I spent cleaning a house and watching TV.  Unfortunately, I did not do much of reading, which I had planned to do after the bar exam. I explain this fact by a want to recover from a disastrous "brain damage" bar preparation caused to my delicate mind.

Starting from September I am a full-time student pursuing an LLM in Taxation degree.  I am enjoying studying tax.  It does not seem boring to me at all, as might seem to many other people.  It is not so easy either. But most important I love it.  The program is intense and that makes it not much different from a law school program. As a result I am often tired by the end of the week.  But successful passing the bar exam and following swearing-in ceremony are the best motivation for me and my efforts in being successful.  It was very hard to believe that I made it so far. But I did and hopefully will keep the same pace.

I passed the Bar Exam!!!

I passed!!! I did it!!! I cannot believe it!!! I do not know what to say except maybe that I never ever should lose a confidence in my abilities. The fact that I PASSED shows that studying hard will be paid off sooner or later [better sooner, of course]!

Bar Advisor

I was in the midst of my deliberation whether I should post about my feelings as to the bar exam I have taken three days ago. After reading an article (see below) I have decided to follow the advice of the author and limit my story to the following: "this was hell!" Anyway, the life is going on and you will see later how it goes for me . :-)))

Bar Advisor: "do not blog (publicly) about the bar exam until AFTER you have passed it.

Why do I say this? To begin with, a blog requires lots of psychic energy to maintain. When you draft a post, you want it to be interesting,
well-written, and timely. You worry about it before you send it off into the blogosphere where anyone can read it. When you are studying for the bar
examination, you do not have time for such a distraction and drain of mental resources.

Next, constant and public worry about failing the bar exam (which is what the majority of these bar-exam blog posts contain) will begin to infiltrate your mind and create an expectation of failure. You may not believe it, but it is true. And, guess what, if you fail, you'll be able to continue blogging about how much you hate the bar exam and your loyal readers will keep reading your posts. This is a sick form of codependency."

Tough times: this summer does not exist for me, unfortunately

I was keeping myself from blogging, because I wanted to post some kind of introduction after a long absence. You see, a law school is behind now (and no regret about it). I thought maybe some thoughts related to the past three years would be a good way to open a new page of my life. But, frankly, I do not know what to write. Three years passed quickly and with many difficulties, grey thoughts and doubts. I do not think I want to look back and show my regrets or misery, if there were such (or maybe I just do not want to confess. I cannot say I had a fun time in a law school. Pressure of good grades, strong and continuous competition had been sucking out all my energy and desire to be happy and just enjoy life. Definitely I did not choose a right course of life: I did not do what I like to do (read fiction, travel, communicate with people), but selected sitting with textbooks or just doing nothing while weeping about my unhappy days in a law school. By no means have these sentences had a purpose to discourage new law school applicants from going to school (though you would better think before you make such decision). It is just a warning that before you want to bind your life with a law school, you should prepare yourself for hard work and stressful life.

Overall, it would be a lie if I say I have not enjoyed my L years in full. I loved clinic, I loved practicing law (although it was only as a student-attorney), I loved learning tricks and dark corners of tax and business law. But I hated law school exams, outlines and useless theory which is useless in the preparation for the bar exam.

Anyway, since a bar preparation is in its high peak and taking all my thoughts and dreams, I often wish to scribble something here for my own memory and perhaps even for some occasional reader of this blog as a note how it is done, how it should not be done, how it could be done and some other mixed thoughts. Since my communication is incredibly limited during those days—husband and computer—I have a need in some relief, although I'll speak to nobody.

Second exam at the end of 2L year ...

... I want to be happy sooo much! :-(

P.S. I had motivation till the moment when I had realized that I don't know how to take exams ... and this sucks!

April?? Already??!!

Yes, again, I have disappeared from these pages, even though I keep saying that I have to write more for my own sake.

What happened with me for this time? Practically nothing.

Busy with studying.

I was really late with my note that was due before a spring break and as always I had to finish it up right before a due 5pm o'clock. But I made it.

I have realized that I should listen to my inner voice when it says to drop a class because a professor sucks. Bad, I didn't do listen to it at the beginning of this semester. From first class I knew that I don't like her. Now I hate this class because she says one thing, does another, makes me change my correct understanding of the material to the wrong one then, obviously, I make mistake and she lowers my grade. Honestly, I hate her class not because of the subject, but because of her methods of teaching, or, I would say, because of the absence of such methods.

I finally saw a wonderful state of California. For several years that I spent in the United States I have been hearing a lot about it. Actually views were totally opposite: crowded-state-with-high-real-estate-prices v. beautiful-weather-and-closeness-of the-ocean. Unfortunately, our trip was not successful as we could expect: I had to finish up my homework, the weather was cold and rainy, the ocean was like ice. I have enjoyed the trip but definitely it could be much better.

I also wanted proudly to say that last week as a President of a student organization I have organized an event (a panel discussion) with four attorneys. It took me an enormous amount of time: writing emails, setting up the date, classroom, parking. But it was rewarding. We had a great attendance, and I found speakers very interesting. Now I am considering whether I should run for the next year. I kind of liked it.

Exams almost over

Well, what can I say?! I am screwed!!!

The end of November

Today I have missed two classes. They were first missed classes for a whole semester. I am awfully ashamed. The reason is not excusable - I have to finish my note of 25 pages before this Friday 5 p.m. What did I do during a semester I do not know. I seemed to me I was a very busy student. But despite this I am behind in this damn note and some reading. Bless God I have a week of the rest or will it be a rest? If I call outlining, studying and reading missed assignment a rest, then, sure, I will have a rest :-))

Soon it will be over

Three days to go, two for preparation and another for exam and then I have my break for two month till summer school. yeyeyeyey

I am on the spring break and I do not care about anything

I have finished my appealate brief. Three nights without sleep (well at least 3-5 hours and for me it is not enough). The last night before a due date we spent about 10 hours proof reading, editing, formating. Finally my partner and I with tired voice said, "that's it. DONE!" and with happiness hit Print button. Yes, it was done, but not exactly. Because we finished at 11 pm, all Kinkos around were closed. Actually one was opened, but I did not know about it. So next morning I was running out the house in rush, because I woke up too late and I had an hour to get to Kinko, wait them printing and binding, then drive to the school. Bless God I made it. That Friday, I came home and went to sleep for four hours. Then we went to a bar, and then I had a sleep for another 10 hours. Yes... and now I have a spring break.

Honestly, I do nothing. I am on Internet, I am reading blogs, I am writing blogs (not here), I watch TV. I have some excuse, today I have finished online quizes to pass Lexis certification. At least I am over with this. Now I have to work on cover letter for internship and I have no wish. Maybe I should relax this summer? Take a summer class and go see my parents? I consider this plan. Forget about stress of a law school and go to relax and spend fun time with my friends. I wish I could do this right now :-)))

Just some refreshment to my posts

A girl from my class gave me the link to her blog. She said she rights a diary since she was 7 or 10 and it helped her writing skills. Now I am sorry I did not do that. So now I decided I need to correct my situation and renew my writing to my diary or blog. Maybe it will help my poor writing skills? I hope my future employer will not read this post and this statement, or I will never have job with him/her.

I thought about writing short today, because it is almost 9 pm and I am sleepy and tired and empty headed (or heavy headed?). So today I have received that annoying letter from some lady/man from Africa who wants to transfer funds and needs my bank account. I have received many of those recently, so I wonder where the hell those people found my email address. My next question is whether they still find idiots who sends them their information. I think yes, there are still some, otherwise, those spammers would change theme. Actually, they do change it. Anyway, I replied to one of those emails, saying "back off, bustards!!!" I do not think it will stop them, but I had to get rid of my steam.

It is interesting to observe myself, though. When I am not satisfied with myself, when I am behind with my homework, or not successful with job etc, I try to prove myself in other places. For example, I am really misearable recently and I decided that if I cannot be ahead at school, I will try to be on the road. I must say it is very dangerous! You may assume, don't you? So on my way to school, this guy in red Jeep sat behind me so close that I wanted hit him with my pointy shoe in his rear. Then after his maneauvre to pass me, I accelerated to prevent him to get in front of me. I almost did it, but then I relaxed and this bustard cut me off and got in front of me. To my outrage he showed me f***. This made me violant, outrageous and other conditions describing a blond without mind. I hit the pedal and sat on the rear of that red Jeep till the guy turned to the ramp, which happened a couple miles after our burning conflict. What was interesting to observe, that I was not tense. As a rule when I do such bad things I am tense and always think if I should do this. But today, I honestly enjoyed it. Does it mean that lack of sleep and unsuccess in life makes me risky? This is not a good thing.

By the way, I always try to write something smart and intelligent. For example, talking about laws and my opinions. But I cannot come up with a subject. I even begin thinking maybe I really am not interested in the law, if I do not reflect any emotions? Tough question, isn't it? I also hope I am mistaken, because I enjoy law. lol

Second week of second semester

So this is Wednesday, second week of my new semester. From anger and frustration after I saw my grades, I switched to the position of self-denial and criticism. I know that there is nobody to blame for my falling down but myself, because I did not put enough effort into studying. I have noticed that last weekend. I had three days off and I did almost nothing for school. BTW, those days were possibly the best days of the year. I relaxed, I did not have bad thoughts about the grades, I knew what I have and that I could not change them. I cooked, walked, went to gym. Finally I have sent my paperwork for citizenship. Hopefully, in a year I will carry that blue passport with eagle on it. :-) And no need for visas anymore. What a dream.

School goes ok. But I do not want to write much about it, because it is almost 10 and I want to sleep. I have another two days to survive and tomorrow I have a bunch of appointments.

I feel sorry I write only about law school. I think I need to mix in somethings. But what ? :)

My wishes and plans

You know what I want to do? I would like to sue my school (or any other law school) for IIED (intentioanl infliction of emotional distress). Do you know why? because I have those nightmares several nights in a row about the law school finals I survived. I see that I have got all Cs, or I forgot to take fifth exam, or my professor cannot read what I wrote because I used some unknown symbol system. The worse was just last night where I saw a professor who told me that I wrote unbelievable rubbish and that I am fired. My Goodness, who could think that life will be so tough even after the exams? I cannot stand it. I even afraid to go to sleep. A night before was the worst, because I had a fever due to my sickness. I saw my 4 exams in the way of car plates and road signs and screaming and chanting that I failed. This is funny, but I did not read about such result on other law school students blogs. As a conclusion of all above, I think I am entitled to the victory for IIED :-))

I was planning this post to be aslo about my plans and strategies in the law school for the next semester. But I changed my mind. It is the middle of my break and I do not want to think about such thing as a law school :-)) however, I bought today this book by Turow named "One L." The author graduated from Harward law school. I think it will be interesting to compare my observations and thoughts with the author's who studied in number one law school :-)) I hope I will not get frustraited that I was not persistent in my studying comparing to a Harward law student, or I did something wrong (though, who knows how to do this right?).

Finally, tomorrow we will pack our staff for 6-day trip to Florida. I am kind of exciting, but I am not sure whether I am really excited. I think I am still under influence of my first semester, and I am still in thoughts about how I did it. But I bet I will change my mind tomorrow when I fold my sweaters into small luggage.