Update re: my life

So apparently I did not provide an update of recent changes in my life. I found job... Now I work as a tax attorney in a small law firm. I love my work. Basically, I do the same stuff that I did at the clinic of my LLM program except that things we do at my work are little bit more complicated and clients pay us to do our work (which is, unfortunately, they usually do not do that on time). I think this is the biggest update in my life for the recent months. Telling the truth, I still cannot believe that my dreams came true. Thank you, God!

Exam

The frustrating part of school is that you may go to the exam with a confidence that you know the most of the material, and that you will do very well. But then you are walking out of that exam with a feeling that much more studying could be done, and that "I know the material" was very deceitful feeling.

This is what I felt yesterday after a Corporate Tax exam. No, I am sure that I did not fail. But, damn, I could do better.

Inspiration --> motivation --> I am here

I have got an inspiration to start blogging again. Since my life is mostly spent with books and in communication with people who do not care much about events in my life, I have decided to annoy my blog abandoned for so long time with my silly thoughts.

Since a school is a center of my life, I will begin with it. Last quarter ended with good grades (my points received were not excellent, but high enough to get As). This quarter I am taking Estate and Gift tax, International Taxation and Corporate Tax I. International Taxation is most complicated and boring (BTW, this is what I am avoiding to do at this moment but creating this blog entry). I also continue working in a clinic, a time-consuming but interesting stuff.

Beyond-the-school life is boring - TV, shopping, cooking and rare meetings with friends (and by "rare" I mean I did not see them for more than a month). Physical exercises are on my to-do-list but by the end of the day they end up on my things-not-done list. This continues from the beginning of the quarter. It is a pity, because my body looks terrible - fat and ... no, I am not going to talk about gross things.

Now, update is done and I have no excuses for not studying.

By the way, the reason I decided to write is that a February bar exam is approaching, and I see many people with BarBri books in the library and in the school's halls. So what I wanted to say is that I am SO HAPPY that I have passed the bar exam and I am SO GLAD, that rather than studying Con Law or Criminal law or whatever, I need to do my homework for International Taxation. Thank you, God!!!

Brief Update: the life is going on

So among several goals I have recently created for myself, I have included "writing posts to Blogger more often."  Since there were periods when I wished to post about current events and some thoughts but at the same time I felt it is not appropriate to do that without at least some mentioning what is going on in my life, I posted nothing.  In fact, I was waiting for the time and day when I briefly describe at what stage of my life I am now but, unfortunately, I have been postponing that day finding an excuse in "my busy life," which is, actually, was not that busy, to spare a couple of minutes to write what I am writing now.

Taking my story back to summer of 2010, I will repeat that June and July were HELL because of preparation for the Bar Exam and the exam itself.  August, however, was more relaxing.  Unfortunately, we did not travel as much as we did last year.  But Utah's national park and local lake were great.  The weekdays I spent cleaning a house and watching TV.  Unfortunately, I did not do much of reading, which I had planned to do after the bar exam. I explain this fact by a want to recover from a disastrous "brain damage" bar preparation caused to my delicate mind.

Starting from September I am a full-time student pursuing an LLM in Taxation degree.  I am enjoying studying tax.  It does not seem boring to me at all, as might seem to many other people.  It is not so easy either. But most important I love it.  The program is intense and that makes it not much different from a law school program. As a result I am often tired by the end of the week.  But successful passing the bar exam and following swearing-in ceremony are the best motivation for me and my efforts in being successful.  It was very hard to believe that I made it so far. But I did and hopefully will keep the same pace.

I passed the Bar Exam!!!

I passed!!! I did it!!! I cannot believe it!!! I do not know what to say except maybe that I never ever should lose a confidence in my abilities. The fact that I PASSED shows that studying hard will be paid off sooner or later [better sooner, of course]!

Bar Advisor

I was in the midst of my deliberation whether I should post about my feelings as to the bar exam I have taken three days ago. After reading an article (see below) I have decided to follow the advice of the author and limit my story to the following: "this was hell!" Anyway, the life is going on and you will see later how it goes for me . :-)))

Bar Advisor: "do not blog (publicly) about the bar exam until AFTER you have passed it.

Why do I say this? To begin with, a blog requires lots of psychic energy to maintain. When you draft a post, you want it to be interesting,
well-written, and timely. You worry about it before you send it off into the blogosphere where anyone can read it. When you are studying for the bar
examination, you do not have time for such a distraction and drain of mental resources.

Next, constant and public worry about failing the bar exam (which is what the majority of these bar-exam blog posts contain) will begin to infiltrate your mind and create an expectation of failure. You may not believe it, but it is true. And, guess what, if you fail, you'll be able to continue blogging about how much you hate the bar exam and your loyal readers will keep reading your posts. This is a sick form of codependency."

Tough times: this summer does not exist for me, unfortunately

I was keeping myself from blogging, because I wanted to post some kind of introduction after a long absence. You see, a law school is behind now (and no regret about it). I thought maybe some thoughts related to the past three years would be a good way to open a new page of my life. But, frankly, I do not know what to write. Three years passed quickly and with many difficulties, grey thoughts and doubts. I do not think I want to look back and show my regrets or misery, if there were such (or maybe I just do not want to confess. I cannot say I had a fun time in a law school. Pressure of good grades, strong and continuous competition had been sucking out all my energy and desire to be happy and just enjoy life. Definitely I did not choose a right course of life: I did not do what I like to do (read fiction, travel, communicate with people), but selected sitting with textbooks or just doing nothing while weeping about my unhappy days in a law school. By no means have these sentences had a purpose to discourage new law school applicants from going to school (though you would better think before you make such decision). It is just a warning that before you want to bind your life with a law school, you should prepare yourself for hard work and stressful life.

Overall, it would be a lie if I say I have not enjoyed my L years in full. I loved clinic, I loved practicing law (although it was only as a student-attorney), I loved learning tricks and dark corners of tax and business law. But I hated law school exams, outlines and useless theory which is useless in the preparation for the bar exam.

Anyway, since a bar preparation is in its high peak and taking all my thoughts and dreams, I often wish to scribble something here for my own memory and perhaps even for some occasional reader of this blog as a note how it is done, how it should not be done, how it could be done and some other mixed thoughts. Since my communication is incredibly limited during those days—husband and computer—I have a need in some relief, although I'll speak to nobody.

THE BAD day

You know sometimes we have those bad days, when you want just to cry or to ask everything and everybody go to hell? Yeah, this is my day today. Whether it is because of the winter time approaching, or I feel like absolutely unsatisfied with what I do, or maybe it is those articles about bad economy and about lay-offs of the lawyers, or maybe my conversation with a friend about hardships to find a job in this place (or maybe in all US). For the past two weeks I have been thinking that I made a bad choice going to a law school. Isn't it strange? I was always thinking that this is what I wanted to do, and now those thoughts? Just uncertainty in the future calls for the pessimistic thoughts that killing all my enjoyment of life (if I ever had such!!!???). Some people avoid there frustration by plunging into work. This is what I should do, I think, instead of pouring sheet on these pages.

Back to the same theme

Just in my last post I have talked about immigration law issues. Then I have checked discussion board for my class and found this link to the New York Time's pictures Friendships at the border. I was "touched" by this

. . . a Democrat who represents the area, has urged the Department of Homeland Sceurity not to build in the park. "It's harmful to the kind of family culture we have at the border," he said. "It is one place, certainly, in San Diego, where we talk about friendship at the border."

"[H]armful to the kind of family culture"?? but what culture? Apparently he meant the culture of the country-neighbor, Mexico. I understand that the US at this time has more Mexican aliens than of any other national origins. But, why for this reason, we should be more pitiful to them than to other aliens. Why do not Americans worry as much about those who came, for example, from Europe? They also have families, some of them also cry when they leave their relatives. I do not like this "discrimination." If you want to take care of aliens from neighboring countries, then do not make others "equal but separate." If Democrat representative worries about "harmful" fenses between families, then he should pay for big cruise ships and allow other aliens at least once a year see their relatives like those on the pictures do through the fense.

P.S. yes, I am too harsh today, but those pictures of crying aliens near fence annoy me.

Immigration law

it is another class I am taking - Immigration law. I think students in that class hate me :-( and I feel uncomfortable about it. You know why they hate me? We talked about rights of aliens in this country, in the US. Everybody said that rules of immigration law are harsh (we were discussing deportation rules). Judges in assignment cases and students in class say that long term living in the US creates strong ties between an immigrant and this country, and, therefore, Congress should not deport without Due Process, without strong grounds and etc.

I said (what a joke, because I am an immigrant), that if a person has an opportunity to get a citizenship then he/she should get a citizenship showing by this the devotion that a person has to the country and the appreciation to this country for what it gives a person: a right to live, to prosper. If you decided to be a legal permanent resident for years and years and you do not want to strip yourself of rights and obligations you have before another country, then it is your problem that you committed a crime and now the government wants to deport you to the place where you, in fact, belong. Yes, I think this way. If you live here, then do not mess around between two countries, decide and live or leave.

Contra arguments were
1) many aliens cannot get a citizenship because they do not have money and time to learn English. - I do not accept this one. It is silly. If you want to speak English you will learn, you will find job with English speaking personal, you will learn it by sitting in toilet during your breaks with flashcards of words. Just try to have a wish. Money? Of course, you will not have money if you do not speak English, then you are on low-paid jobs. Moreover, you may save if you really want it.

2) another contra argument was that the US is the country that accepts even those ho do not want to follow the US Constitution, it is the country where a person can live in a shack and burn an American flag every day.
I find here some point, I admit it. So glorious freedom that Americans like to be proud of. But what came first into my mind were Americans who live in this country, enjoy protection and benefits and say that they hate the US. I do not want this country to be such a rotten place. and I do not think it is right (or I might say correct, obviously not politically correct) to further such behaviour of our citizens, and of course we should not allow aliens to do that. Why? Because a country survives due to loyalty to the country. Look at Ukraine and Russia. There is no loyalty left, everybody pulls benefit for himself without thinking about others. Those countries are almost destroyed. BTW, this freedom is so symbolic. In general, the US is really policing country, not so many things are allowed here. Of course, you may live in shack, do nothing, ask for money, and get free food stamps. I do not think Americans must be proud of this example.

Perhaps, I was brought up in conditions where people were proud of their country and believed they do best for it. Therefore, I want the US, it is my country now, had citizens who like it, who respects it, but not who wants to destroy, to break.

This is my word and I am not stepping back. I might stop talking in class, because I feel I ask for hateredd form others. I do not want to have this image. I am not bad. Really!