My pain

I am working on my memo for judge now. What a pain. Imagine, what a horor to know that you are really bad writer, and then, after you wrote some shit, that lacks grammar and sense will be read by a person who was for a decade on the bench. I freak out. In addition my unskillful writing, I am behind my due date and this freaks me out even more.

An interesting fact is that I've done my research, I know what I want to say, but when I try to put this on paper, nonsense comes out or just non-writing mood. I guess I do not have to tell you much if you have read my blog (or at least a couple of posts).

How is my law school life? Every day I tell myself - "My life SUCKS" and there are no other thoughts excepts during nights when I am troubled by lack of sleep. Indeed, you should believe a person who says 2L is easier. It is, just because you know what you are doing. You understand that you have no idea what Justice wanted to say in a case, not because you are stupid, but because the writer of an opinion was (or is) stupid and vague and ambiguous. It might appear to you that he wrote his opinion in one night being drunk after dozens of glasses of whisky. BUT... 2L is much busier and this sucks. I have 4 classes, I have a journal, a judicial internship. All this is hanging above my head and I see it as nothing more but an old stinky rope rubbed with even stinkier soap. You know what I want to do? Hang myself. Then I forgot about my misery of 2L life and misery of fear finals.
rrrrr....

Another thought for today

Actually, I should not be so mad, because just this morning I was thinking that I am not qualified for the job with a large firm. I was not sure whether I will feel ok if I have a big money from them and do a lot of things badly. Whatever! On one of my profiles I said that everything what happens with me is for the best. Just yesterday I talked with one guy online (Yahoo messenger) about this phrase, and funny thing I tired to persuade him that this statement reflects the reality. Now, by writing previous post I rejected my idea (almost rejected). So now I have to think positively and think about benefits I will get from not having an internship.

1. I can take classes and it will be easier then during the year.

2. I can visit my parents, and go to Turkey

3. Perhaps I will find internship with judge or another firm, and even though I will not get as much money, but I will get a good experience.

4. I just will have fun time.

Damn it, I cannot believe that I have found so many good reasons not to be upset.

:-))))

Bad news I have got and now upset

So those f***** interviews did not work out for me. They just did not like me. I am upset, and maybe mostly not because they did not chose me, but because I have spent tremendous amount of time with a huge hopes I will get it. As a result I did not. Now I have to begin my process again and look for something different. I want to apply for judicial internship. I think I am interested in them more. Moreover, it is for free, and I hope judges will like it more.

I am sorry for bad words BUT I am f***** mad.

Just some refreshment to my posts

A girl from my class gave me the link to her blog. She said she rights a diary since she was 7 or 10 and it helped her writing skills. Now I am sorry I did not do that. So now I decided I need to correct my situation and renew my writing to my diary or blog. Maybe it will help my poor writing skills? I hope my future employer will not read this post and this statement, or I will never have job with him/her.

I thought about writing short today, because it is almost 9 pm and I am sleepy and tired and empty headed (or heavy headed?). So today I have received that annoying letter from some lady/man from Africa who wants to transfer funds and needs my bank account. I have received many of those recently, so I wonder where the hell those people found my email address. My next question is whether they still find idiots who sends them their information. I think yes, there are still some, otherwise, those spammers would change theme. Actually, they do change it. Anyway, I replied to one of those emails, saying "back off, bustards!!!" I do not think it will stop them, but I had to get rid of my steam.

It is interesting to observe myself, though. When I am not satisfied with myself, when I am behind with my homework, or not successful with job etc, I try to prove myself in other places. For example, I am really misearable recently and I decided that if I cannot be ahead at school, I will try to be on the road. I must say it is very dangerous! You may assume, don't you? So on my way to school, this guy in red Jeep sat behind me so close that I wanted hit him with my pointy shoe in his rear. Then after his maneauvre to pass me, I accelerated to prevent him to get in front of me. I almost did it, but then I relaxed and this bustard cut me off and got in front of me. To my outrage he showed me f***. This made me violant, outrageous and other conditions describing a blond without mind. I hit the pedal and sat on the rear of that red Jeep till the guy turned to the ramp, which happened a couple miles after our burning conflict. What was interesting to observe, that I was not tense. As a rule when I do such bad things I am tense and always think if I should do this. But today, I honestly enjoyed it. Does it mean that lack of sleep and unsuccess in life makes me risky? This is not a good thing.

By the way, I always try to write something smart and intelligent. For example, talking about laws and my opinions. But I cannot come up with a subject. I even begin thinking maybe I really am not interested in the law, if I do not reflect any emotions? Tough question, isn't it? I also hope I am mistaken, because I enjoy law. lol